The Amazing Adventures of Sara Corel
A novel by Toomey

Comments on Chapter 11: Chicago
- Macbeth

        Just finished chapter 11 of Susan and enjoyed it!
        I have to admit, I don't feel comfortable about Jimmy Oldsen. He's up to something. Hope it works out but…I …..don't …..knoooooowwwww!!!
        Sara is becoming a bit of an enigma. You're placing her into disparate groups where she's accepted without developing the idea over time. Somehow it all works just fine, giving the reader (me) the unusual sensation of discovering her living in a place and in a way I didn't expect. Sort of like storytelling as an aside. "Psst, did you hear the latest about Sara Corel?" <smile>
        By the way, 'Roundball' was a fast paced, well- constructed story. I could feel the pace of that game. It should never take longer to describe an action than it takes for the action to happen. Your chapter 10 surely shows how to do that right.
        I've really come to appreciate your style of writing very much. I like the way everything flows so nicely. In spite of however this may sound like a writer's cliché', it is a 'good read'. Looking forward to your next chapter!
        I also took a look at the web sites you mentioned and was very impressed by the professional quality of quite a few. Understandable considering your line of work! <grin> I was especially knocked out by your band's web site. Spent a little time on that puppy! You have a really good eye for color and style, Toomey.
        We used to be visited occasionally by a great gentleman from the University of Kansas, a professor there and published author. Many times he mentioned that creative people excel in multiple modes of expression: art, music, literature, etc.
        He was right.
        Oh, just so you don't think I'm just blowing sunshine up your kilt, I found a typo in chapter 11. I forget where though. <evil laugh>
        See you later!

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© Patrick Hill, 2000